Did you hear the story of the young man and woman planning to get married? They went to see the preacher about conducting their wedding ceremony and he suggested they go through premarital counseling before the wedding and they agreed. During the first session together the preacher was talking to them about the two of them becoming one and how important it was that they be ready to leave father and mother and be joined to each other as one flesh. His response was, “I’m not too concerned about us becoming one flesh as long as I can be sure which one we become.” One flesh relationships sound like a good idea as long as we are the ones who decide which one we will be.
Far too often couples enter into marriage relationships with the idea that I will remake the new partner to fit the image I have for a husband or wife. In reality, very few people are prepared to allow anyone else to remake them into a superficial image of what they think they want. We would be happy to help remake the other person, but when it comes to allowing them to remake us we are ready to balk on that.
What did God have in mind when he said that he would make two into one flesh? It was part of Adam’s original statement in Genesis 2. “This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh she will be called woman. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two will become one flesh.” There he doesn’t mention God’s part in the whole thing but just that the two become one flesh.
It was in Malachi 2 that God reminded the people that he was the one who made them one and that he gave them the residue of the Spirit. He asked the question, “Why did he make you one?” His answer was that “You might raise up a godly offspring.” Think of that whole statement for a moment. God made them one for the purpose of them raising a godly offspring. What does our being one have to do with bringing up godly children? It doesn’t mean that one can’t possibly bring up a child for God who isn’t married or who was married but the marriage has ended and they are bringing up the children alone. I’ve known many single parents who brought their children up to love God and serve him with all their being. But it is many times more difficult to bring up the godly child when we are trying to do the job alone. We all need the love and support of someone else of the opposite sex who loves the children as much as we do, to help with bringing them up for God. The pressure on a single parent is phenomenal .
Together it is far more natural to show the love that is shared and for each to lean on the other for assistance in tough situations. You can show the two sides of personality that every child needs to develop. When any sane person looks at the statistics of what percentage of children growing up in single parent homes struggle in school, fail in family life and get involved in activities that are destructive and how many end up in prison it should cause them to see the need for both parents and them working together as one to bring up a child. When a person says that a child doesn’t really need to have a father in the home to have a right attitude it demonstrates that they aren’t thinking straight.
By the way if the dad is there and uninvolved he is of little value. If he lives in his own little world and allows his wife to handle everything with the children he is near worthless as a husband, father and as a man. Too many men forgot to grow up and act like little spoiled brats waiting for their wife to serve them. God put you in an extremely important place in the family, so grow up, put on your big boy pants and be a man.
In Matthew 19:6 Jesus referred back to the whole becoming one idea when he said, “What God has joined together let no one separate.” God makes us one. But it isn’t ever God who pulls us back apart to make us two again. But in spite of God joining some together, they never want to act like they are together and go on living like single people when they are married. In Ephesians 5:21-33 Paul described the marriage relationship and how each of us have a vital place to fill in the relationship. When he told husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her he went on to say “He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes her even as the Lord does the church.” One, means that we take care of each other. We nourish and cherish each other. We look after one another’s needs to fulfill them.
Another result of becoming one Paul explained in I Corinthians 7 and the first few verses of the chapter when he said that a woman’s body was no longer hers but her husbands and a man’s body is no longer his but his wife’s. We belong to each other. Therefore it is wrong for anyone in the marriage to with hold themselves from the other partner sexually. It is only in the marriage relationship that you can add 1+1 and it equal 1. In homosexual relationships we can have 1+1 but it will always equal 2 because there is no one flesh relationship by which they demonstrate the oneness.
Marriage and family life demands oneness. It demands that husbands and wives belong to each other in a very special way that there is no other human relationship that can substitute for it. When we try to drag mom and dad into the marriage either through their efforts or through our own we destroy the becoming one process.
What are you doing each day to build the oneness in your marriage?